The adult male pictured above is clearly taking the advice of this particular blog post. Here are some reasons why you SHOULD NOT work out!!
1.) The circle is the most perfect shape in the universe, you should try to attain it.
2.) Dying decades before you should is the new hip and happening thing.
3.) No, it's sexy and awesome to be winded and wheezing while you walk across a parking lot.
4.) Belly fat, who doesn't want it?!
5.) You really are trying to use your bat wings to fly.
6.) Love handles, saddle bags, back fat, guts, saggy thighs, big fat asses, these are what people really like.
7.) You just got your new health insurance and you want to make sure you use it.
8.) Who doesn't want diabetes, heart disease, auto immune disorders, strokes and the like?
9.) You have so much shit saved on your 4 DVRs, how are you supposed to catch up on it if you waste time working out.
10.) Having self-confidence is sooooo overrated!
11.) Who wants to have a body that they're proud of.
12.) Ain't nothing wrong with gluttony and sloth!
13.) How would you know that your alive if you didn't have your aching joints, bad back, bad knees, bad ankles and all the rest.
14.) You love to watch shit orbit around your belly.
15.) Being able to get up off the floor easily is sooooo yesterday. Struggling is much better.
16.) You haven't had the ability to see your genitalia in decades, why would you want to now?
17.) It's awesome now. Just a few decades ago people had to pay money at a carnival to see someone your size, now they can just walk down the street.
18.) You know you love not being able to get out of the chair because it's too much struggle.
19.) No really, blowing out your back while tying up the garbage bag is normal.
20.) Artery blockage, I don't need no stinking blood getting through.
21.) No really, who doesn't like the sight of man boobs.
22.) You're back has to give out somehow.
23.) It's always amazing to lift up a roll of fat and find the remote that you lost 6 months ago.
24.) So, you can't get up the stairs anymore, that's why God made ramblers anyway.
25.) Be able to run, tumble, climb and play with your kids, who wants that.
26.) Catching every bug and sickness that goes around shows that you're well loved.
27.) It would suck to have a tight tummy or ripped abs.
28.) What, being muscular, fit and healthy is so 1980's.
29.) Touch my toes, hell I can't even see them.
30.) It's awesome to wake up every morning tired.
31.) You get so much more attention when you hurt your back picking up a bag of groceries.
32.) Because, who doesn't love my rolls
33.) Hip replacement technology has improved so much more over the last few years.
34.) Who want to be a good role model for their kids and grand kids anyway?
35.) Cotton candy weighs way less than an apple, so it won't put much weight on me.
36.) Because, of wait, I'm tooo tired to finish this sentence.
37.) Because truly loving and respecting yourself is best shown by eating shit and wasting away into a tub of lard.
38.) Because training is toooo hard
39.) Training takes toooo much time
40.) I don't have money for a good gym.
41.) We're all going to die someday, I'd rather get it over with sooner than later.
42.) A life of pain, sickness, no energy, lower productivity, lower vibrance, is the only one worth living.
43.) Because being energized throughout the day would be horrible.
44.) Feel like a million dollars, I'd rather feel like a wooden passo.
45.) Chicks dig beer bellies.
46.) Men love it when they can't wrap their arms around you
47.) My man boobs are finally up to a dd cup
48.) It's awesome to break into a sweat pulling my pants up.
49.) Having to waddle instead of walk, that's the sheeeeitttt people.
50.) How are you supposed to get on "My 600 Pound Life" if you were healthy and fit.
51.) Being able to move with ease and without pain, so overrated.
Alright, now that we've said that, go train your ass off both literally and figuratively. Being healthy, fit, strong, conditioned and full of energy (not to mention looking awesome and moving awesome with no aches and pains while staying young) are the shit. Get after it.
Now, go create your greatness and train hard and heavy.
Brett
P.S. Had to cleanse myself after this one:
